Bullies-Bosses-Bait by: Ken Malone

Bullies—Bosses—Bait

By: Ken Malone

Almost everyone has had to deal with a bully. It can be your boss, a friend, a believer, or a leader. This also can be seen in marriage. An abusive husband, abusive wife, and sometimes abusive children. You expect this from the world but who would think that the church has bullies. As a young man in school, I had to deal with several bullies. In my lifetime, I’ve experienced bullies in the workplace, in school and in the congregation. Whenever it happened, I took the advice of my dad, which is to confront the bully alone. Bullies feel empowered by others, so do this alone. This one-on-one confrontation will sometimes neutralize the behavior of the bully.

You can see bullying, from those in the pew but far too often you see it in the leadership of the congregation. For those who are still suffering with wounds, from prior trauma, this can be really devastating because they’ve not invested in what’s needed to heal the trauma.

Many times, those being bullied will leave the relationship, marriage, church or workplace but the trauma will certainly manifest again because no healing has taken place.

My focus in this message is for you to see the bully, so you can deal with it properly and not be wounded.

Cheryl and I recently watched a movie, entitled “Joshua.” The story was about Joshua, (Jesus) who came to a town called Auburn. The first act he did was to begin repairing a small Baptist church building that had fallen. Many of the people in the area, were bewildered, because this stranger was restoring this fallen building. Some of the townspeople soon joined Joshua in the restoration of this place of worship. Our Lord is always restoring.

Soon Joshua, began healing the sick and raising the dead in this small town. In one of the local parishes an associate priest was drawn to Joshua and the work he was doing and began to help. However, his senior priest was skeptic of Joshua. The senior began to berate and put down his associate priest. He bullied him and Joshua with abusive words. Soon he brought Joshua up on charges that he was fake and took him before the cardinal in Rome. During conversation with the cardinal, the priest discredited Joshua (Jesus) calling him a fake. Joshua then said, “What are you afraid of?” The priest replied, “I am not afraid,” but Joshua said, “Yes you are. You’re afraid to LOVE.” Joshua then laid his hand on the priest’s chest and imparted an unconditional love to the priest. He immediately repented and said, “My Lord.” He was transformed. His love has a way of changing even the hardest of hearts.

It was a very moving scene; it really taught me the power of unconditional love. Joshua never stopped loving this abusive and controlling priest. Another way to say it, is our Lord pursued a relationship with him through the power of LOVE. Joshua (Jesus,) is in pursuit of the abused and the tyrant. He desires to impart His Love to everyone. Even those you feel don’t deserve His love.

Bullies in the church are like tares sown among the wheat. Look at what Jesus said. Matthew 13:24-28 TPT, Then Jesus taught them another parable: “Heaven’s kingdom can be compared to a farmer who planted good seed in his field. 25But when everyone was asleep, an enemy came and planted weeds among the wheat and ran away. 26When the wheat sprouted and bore grain, the weeds also appeared. 27So the farmer’s hired hands came to him and said, ‘Sir, wasn’t that good seed that you sowed in the field? Where did all these weeds come from?’ 28“He answered, ‘This has to be the work of an enemy!’

Sometimes bullies are being planted by the enemy to suck the life out of you, your family or church.

Paul also addressed bullies in Romans 13:17-18 NASB, Now I urge you, brethren, note those who cause divisions and offenses, contrary to the doctrine which you learned, and avoid them. 18For those who are such do not serve our Lord Jesus Christ, but their own belly, and by smooth words and flattering speech deceive the hearts of the simple.

Bullies are always causing offense. They enjoy doing it. They see you as weaker, so they treat you as prey. When they manage to run you off, or control you, they’ve accomplished exactly what satan desired. STAND YOUR GROUND.

Here are some forms of bullying to watch out for.

1. Using one’s position or title to bully. This is known as tangible/material bullying. Using one’s formal power (i.e. title or position) or material leverage (i.e. financial, informational, or legal) as forms of intimidation, threat, harassment, and/or harm. In these scenarios, the bully uses his or her advantage in stature and/or resources to dominate and control the victim. A person with a title is NOT better or higher than you.
2. Verbal Bullying. Threats; shaming; hostile teasing; insults; constant negative judgment and criticism; or racist, or sexist. This was the tactic the senior priest used in the movie.
3. Passive Aggressive. This is a less frequently mentioned form of bullying, but in some ways it’s the most insidious. With many bullies, you can see them coming because they are quick to make their intimidating presence known. A passive-aggressive or covert bully, however, behaves appropriately on the surface, but takes you down with subtlety. Examples of passive-aggressive and covert bullying include negative gossip, negative joking at someone’s expense, sarcasm, condescending eye contact, facial expression or gestures, mimicking to ridicule, deliberately causing embarrassment and insecurity, the invisible treatment, social exclusion, isolation, and deliberately sabotaging someone’s well-being, happiness, and success.

Like Paul said, these types of traits cause division in the body of Christ. I have little tolerance for those who bully the body of Christ. I have seen it with members of a congregation. A long-standing member in the church sometimes will bully a new member, simply because they don’t like the person, or they do not want the dynamic of the church to grow or change. I’ve also seen it with ministers in pulpits who will bully someone who is very gifted. The minister feels intimidated because the new member’s gift may be stronger than theirs.

Personal Experiences

Many years back I pastored in central Florida. A minister who had been in the area previously, moved away and then moved back. This minister tried to bully me out of the pulpit. He exerted what he thought was authority against me. His tactics were flattery, intimidation, and gossip. When he was in my presence, he used flattery. However, he put me down to those who were a part of our fellowship and told them, “You are my sheep.” I confronted him alone. He then backed down, and left, never to return.

A few years ago, two ministers of different churches joined forces against me. The first thing they did was to call a friend and have lunch with him. They began to tell him why I shouldn’t be in the church and tried to turn him against me. They deployed a tactic that is commonly used by satan, ACCUSATION! After they had two lunch meetings with my friend, I called one of them and said, “I hear that you are meeting with my friend and saying things about me. So, I would like to have breakfast with you, so you can talk directly to me.” I took another friend with me. I was hoping for moral support. It was like meeting with your worst enemy, as each of them made accusation against me. I think my friend was intimidated as he never uttered a word. They sought to browbeat me and run me off.  I took a stand against their tactics. I said, “I am here to stay.” To one of the accusing pastor’s credit, he repented with tears flowing down his face. The other has yet to repent. I have forgiven both men.

I’ve also had church members try to intimate me by getting in my face, accusing, mocking, and telling me what they don’t like about me or that they want me to leave. Church members have attacked me, my wife, and my children.

When someone gets in your face, look into their eyes, never lose contact, smile and say, “I love you. I’m here to stay.” You just won a battle.

Intimidation is an evil tactic of the enemy. Stand your ground, be who Yahweh has called you to be, be where our Lord has planted you, and don’t give in to the lying emotions. Sometimes emotions are messengers of satan, sent to buffet you.

Myles Monroe said this about controlling leaders. “Defective leadership always attempts to use authority to control people.”

I have never understood how those who bully think this is a part of their job. The Kingdom of God is, RIGHTEOUSNESS, PEACE AND JOY IN THE HOLY GHOST.

The Bait

The goal of satan is to move you into offense. This is the bait of the forever loser. Your joy, faith, relationship with Christ is threatened when you accept the bait. Get bold, don’t buy into it. Decree over your life, what our Lord says about you. Decree who He is in you and watch the enemy leave.

Initiate Healing

Matthew 18:15-17 is the avenue to healing and reconciliation.

“Moreover, if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. 16But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.’ 17And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector. (Note: Church–Ekklesia is a legislative body not the entire congregation.) The Ekklesia can consist of 2 to 10 people with the intent to reconcile the offended parties. Satan’s scheme is to try and shut you down.

Do this when you are bullied and abused.

• Sing and keep singing—Enter into personal worship. Exalt our Lord as King. Turn the focus away from you and on to Him.
• Pray–Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray. Is anyone cheerful? Let him sing psalm. James 5:13
• Pray and keep praying. If you have a heavenly prayer language, use it. I’ve personally used speaking in tongues on many occasions to defeat the enemy’s voice.
• Decree Yahweh’s written word. Open your bible and confess what the word says about you and your relationship with Abba. Jesus used this strategy when He was warring against satan. (See Matthew 4:1-11)
• Don’t spread gossip. Gossip is sin on the part of the abused. Wounded people will bleed all over anyone who will listen. Speaking negative about a brother or sister who has wounded you is also a form of bullying. Proverbs 17:9 He who covers a transgression seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates friends.
• Go to the bully and state your case. Follow Matthew 18:15-17 in the hope of reconciling. If necessary go through each step.

To the Offended. Remember, offense is the tool of the enemy to separate you from a relationship with Yahweh and others. Your welfare is completely dependent on you. You be the one to forgive. You seek healing and possible restoration with the bully.

To the Bully. If you are the bullying one, “what are you afraid of?” Repent, go to those you’ve hurt. Ask them to forgive you. Ask our Lord to impart His agape, unconditional love into your heart.