Lost Priorities
One of the things I have seen so much of over the last few years, is the number of married ministers or their spouse falling into adultery. My intention is not to throw rocks or blame male or female but to share my heart on a pattern I see in some ministers. What I will share in the next few paragraphs, is only one of the traps, that I see, that ministers face. Some of our ministers are falling prey to this enemy. God’s grace is sufficient to defeat this. Do not think it is just men who fall into this. I have watched an equal number of men and women fall in this trap. Father’s heart is hurting by this covenant breaking. However, He also has restoration for all who fall into this or any snare. Adultery is an ENEMY, and it should be viewed as that. Those who fall prey to it are not our enemy but the spirit behind it is. Wrong priorities are also the enemy of the family.
Married to the Ministry?
So many of our ministers are married to their ministry and they put ministry far ahead of their family. I do not believe they intend to fall into this snare but because of wrong priorities, it happens.
I have seen so many who are on the road in ministry and or business and their spouse and children are given the leftovers. When this happens, it is possible for the spouse to stray from the covenant of marriage, wrecking the marriage, ministry or business. BTW-I have also seen much restoration of marriages and ministry.
Help My Marriage
Many years back, I was asked by a minister to counsel and pray with him about his marriage. He pastored a church but also traveled in his business. His business was successful, and his ministry was growing. He was gone 4-5 days each week. He would come home on the weekend, minister to his congregation and then back out on the road. He took little time to be a husband to his wife and a father to his kids. He shared with me, “my wife is in an affair with a man from our church.” My heart hurt for him, but I could see the root and cause of this breach; his ministry and business. The appearance of success drove him.
I prayed with him and shared the word of God with him. I then gave him a prophetic word; I know was from Holy Spirit. Come off the road for a minimum of six months. Even if it costs you your job, come off the road. He did not like the word. I can understand, he was successful in his business, but we are speaking of something more important than his business or ministry; his marriage. He said, “I can do this without coming off the road.”
That night, at dinner, I met with he and his wife. She was so uncomfortable. The shame and defiance were so obvious. She said, “I have ended the affair and will not do this again.” My discernment knew this was a lie. Until brokenness occurs, adulterers will always lie. It was obvious, there was no brokenness. Again, I urged him to come off the road. His reply was, “No we can do this without me coming off the road.” Can you hear the arrogance in his answer?. His thoughts may have been, let’s keep this looking successful. Let’s keep the ministry, keep the business, and keep my marriage and all will look successful. His wife did not stay faithful. Today they are divorced, the church is closed, and he moved.
This word is to both men and female ministers. Your ministry DOES NOT, come before your family. If you do, you are in dangerous waters. I have met so many who view their ministry in higher regard than their spouse. This is not biblical and is outside of God’s defining character.
Affair Proof
Our Father did not give Adam ministry first. He gave him relationship, to himself and then his wife. She was God’s gift to him. There was an agape love that flowed from Adam and Eve. They were so one with the Father and each other. The competitive nature (male versus female,) was not within them. An agape love was their motivation.
As I share this crucial protocol, with all the young ministers I know. Some look at me like, “what are you talking about? Ministry comes first.” I have heard preachers say to their spouse, “Now honey you know ministry comes first.” I heard one minister say to their spouse, as the affair was exposed, “You can’t do that, I’m in the ministry.” The minister’s reputation, (success) was on the line. They had put the ministry ahead of the spouse for years, now they were reaping the harvest of neglect in their marriage. Even as they were losing their spouse, they continued to place ministry first. To some the appearance of success is most important.
Accountability
Be accountable to your spouse. Whether you are the one traveling in ministry or stay at home. Tell them how you feel, do not stay silent. Only travel if your spouse is in agreement. Take your spouse with you. Cheryl goes with me most of the time. I’m strengthened to minister, by her presence.
Several years ago, I did ministry among the Navajo. These are the code-talkers who helped win the war against Japan. The Navajo used their native language as code and the Japanese could not decode it.
I always carried others with me to New Mexico. On my first trip I took two friends, Ken LaGrow and Everett Hamilton. On my second trip I took several ministry friends. We usually stayed anywhere from 3 to 7 days. The second trip was very demanding on me physically and emotionally. After the mission was over, our group went back to Albuquerque and pulled into the Holiday Inn. One of my spiritual sons, Geary, was driving. I hopped out of the van and walked inside to the counter and asked for my room. As I’m standing there a lady walks up beside me and puts her arm under my arm. She said, “We want a room on the top floor, where no one can hear us.
I immediately remove my arm from hers and said, No I do not. I am married. She then walked behind the counter, and I could see, Holiday Inn on her clothes. She preceded to say, “I want to know what room he’s in, so I can visit him tonight.” I said, “Do not give it to her.” I got my room key and went to my room. I then called my wife Cheryl and explained to her what took place. I needed to be accountable. I did not want to deal with the demons this woman carried, bothering me in the night. Cheryl prayed and broke all the demons off. Thank God for a wife who will pray for her husband. I then called my apostle, Dutch Sheets and told him what was going on. He prayed also and removed any dark thoughts. I then called my team together in the lobby and they prayed. A few of the women in the team wanted to do deliverance on this lady. Both spiritual and physical. If Cheryl had been there, she would have decked the woman and then led her to Yeshua.
I found out later, that she was the bar tender at the hotel and flirting was how she received large tips. How many men took her up on her gestures?
I never went back to the Navajo without Cheryl.
Accountability and correction plays a hug role in our walk with our Lord. I love the opportunity that accountability gives to us. I also embrace correction, especially from my wife and my apostle, Dutch.
To all my ministry friends—Your spouse comes before ministry. Sow into them. Take them on dates. Go, do the things you did, when you were falling in love with them. This will affair proof your marriage before it crashes.
All of us need grace to live by. God’s grace is not only unmerited favor, but an empowerment by God to live a life holy and acceptable. You can’t do holiness but His grace in you can.
Prayer
Let’s pray. Father, we humbly ask for your grace to empower us to be sons and daughters. We are not perfect, but we so desire Your life in us. Forgive us for our sins of putting ministry first and not being accountable to you and our spouse. Lord, we ask you to pour Your grace upon us to prioritize You first, then our spouse, In Yeshua’s name.
Ken's Domain 